All my prayers are for you
by Kammyh
Summary: ONESHOT, POV fic. Kai and Yuri’s past and present mix up together as Christmas comes up with all the painful and joyous memories related to it. KaixYuri aka KaixTala


Title: ALL MY PRAYERS ARE FOR YOU

Author: Kammyh

Genre: Romance/Drama

Rating: R or M or whatever you call it

Summary: ONE-SHOT, POV fic. Kai and Yuri's past and present mix up together as Christmas comes up with all the painful and joyous memories related to it. KaixYuri aka KaixTala

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. If someone doesn't believe the owner thing ask Takao Aoki.

Warnings: The story contains sexual implication that are sometimes described. There are no warnings about where lemon parts start. SO don't like DON'T READ. YAOI. That means malexmale or male/male or MaleMale as you wish. First Theme fic, first Point Of View fic, hope that it came out good enough. RELIGIOUS themes, in this case Christian sui generis, don't know how people can react to this, I can just say that's just mine/Yuri's point of view. English is not my native language (people say also Italian is not, anyway) and I'm not perfect (am I Borg/Biovolt creation?), so BE TOLERANT about mistakes and so on.

Kammyh: YAIIIIIIIY! SHOUNEN AI! So happy!

Yuri: Actually that's not shounen ai anymore…

Kammyh:…well, it was supposed to be, but…

FlashBack

Kam: Shounen ai!

MF: Look! I found a beautiful image with Yuri jumping at Kai!

Kam: Shounen ai?

MF: Hahaha! This fic is too hilarious! Tala is screwing Kai almost a chappy one and the next one twice!

Kam: Shounen ai…

MF: Hey! You can't miss it! There is Yuri moping because he gets no Kai!

Kam: Ai...shounen…ai…

MF: WOW! He jerks him off!

Kam:…

Yuri&Kai: Kammyh?

Kam: TAAAAAALAAAAAA!

End FlashBack

Yuri(sweat drops): Yeah…moreover MF was talking always about theme fic and Kai uke forever…

Kammyh: The last one still is…

Kai(sucking a lollypop): So that would be your answer to her?

Kammyh: YESSSS!

Kai: You are gonna fail.

Kammyh: Bwaaaaaaa!

ALL MY PRAYERS ARE FOR YOU

It all started with the upcoming of the winter almost fourteen years ago. The immense Russian countryside was all white because of the snow that had fall in the last days, and Moscow seemed isolated from whatever living being would exist in this world. It was like being trapped in one of those balls in which there is the miniature of something and after you turn it upside down it look like that it is snowing.

I always liked them, even if that filled me with a deep sense of melancholy I was never been able to deal with. Seeing my place, my Moscow, like this I've always felt like I myself was trapped in a sort of glass ball and there was no way to escape, no matter what I did. I felt trapped by all the white that surrounded me, the solitude, the cold, but then again, for me every single day of my life felt like this.

It wasn't just Moscow, it was the whole place I lived in that felt so…ashen. Just like someone had drained out of that all the colour…and all the life. The place I lived in, an abbey nears the centre of Moscow…and yet we barely saw the pasty white suburbs of the city through the bars that separated us from the rest of the livings. Moreover, in that particular moment of the year, gaining some minutes of fresh air out of there would be the same thing than stay back in the abbey, since there was no one around there. No people in the streets, no birds showing you that freedom could exist, no crowds of tourists that made you hope that somewhere out there, outside the abbey, far from Moscow, human beings could exist. It was too cold for them to show up. And we were too cold too, to just have the strength to search a last time for it.

Loneliness was so deep inside ourselves that we tried to just steal some warmth from the few people that crossed our way with the cold eyes of a living dead. And we were just six. No, I was six. Some were older than me, others even younger.

Anyway, I was saying "it all started with the upcoming of winter"…when some nuns came to our abbey. The place we lived in was officially an abbey, but none of the people that trained us were priest and surely they had better things to do to us than teach something about religion. That's why the women's appearance produced a lot of confusion in the abbey.

Vorkov, the director of the abbey, had made his best to lead the nuns in his office before they could actually see one of us. This way while he was distracting the women the guards were able to make us at least a little bit presentable, everyone reunited in the big hall usually used for the BeyBlading theory lessons otherwise called 'brain washing'. Of course we knew nothing about what they did to us back then, but now all is different. Even thanks to those nuns, even if they are totally clueless about what happened thanks to them. Hopefully.

Anyway the guards filled the immense room with us, or better, the most presentable of us. The kids that had just endured torture weren't even tried to been made presentable, nor the ones still suffering from the different type of experiments the abbey scientists were allowed to make with us. Not counting the ones that died because of that and whose cadavers were well hidden beyond that candid snow veil covering the entire world outside the abbey. Obviously when it would melt a little, those children will be assumed to be dead from the cold and no one would even consider it as the big lie it was.

Everyone was excited since everyone hoped to gain some free air outside the abbey even if it was for just few seconds, even if the Moscow outside there would never saw them or warm them up, the same way they couldn't related with the world outside the abbey. They just hoped, since they were children. Even my friends seemed to be affected by all that excitement.

For the first time I was able to see optimism in my blond haired friend's face, and a small light of relief in the lilac eyes of my other fellow. Sergey and Boris. I didn't know back then, that it would have passed a lot of time before seeing them like that again, especially after…well, what was going to happen.

The nuns came, protected by Vorkov and watched us a little bit curious and timorous because of all the rumours the other kids made. I knew there were no possibility for me to get out and, moreover, I didn't care. Why was I supposed to exit the abbey if I knew for sure that I would be back there soon? There were no reasons for me to go all crazy about stuff like that.

There would be no freedom for me, and even if for some reasons it would be, it wouldn't have been freedom for us all. For one that could escape, thousands of us will still remain suffering in the abbey and in its little world made of glass.

Yes, our entire life was glass. On the outside, the abbey was covered by a hard cup of it while on the inside there were just us, little glass soldiers ready to break. And just like I will always believe in, there is no victory if someone is left behind. This is the reason why we would never win. Too many children were already dead in those years, we had already left too many of them behind us before even starting to battle. At least I thought this way back then.

Then, it happened.

The nuns watched every one of us and in the end they whispered something in Vorkov's ear that stared a little at the women before finally talk to us.

"My dear children, those nuns came here to ask if there were a couple of nice guys that could help them with the Christmas recital of the S. Peter's Cathedral…"

The director had to stop his speech because of the happy giggling coming from the entire hall, along with some notes that echoed here and there to prove their owner's ability. 'Out of the abbey, far from Vorkov' was the only thing crossing their minds.

"Wait, my faithful kids, I know how you are willingly to help our friends here, but they already chosen the two boys they want and those ones are…"

Vorkov stopped there, savouring the silence he had obtained from all of us, better, from all the other kids, since I just stared at him the whole time without moving. I was able to feel the fear in their selfs, I was able to perceived it from all my pores…every time something like that happened I was always the one that had to hold the weight of the other children's fears.

Fuck, why I'm always supposed to be so sensitive? I didn't want to care about them. Suffer for the pain of other people could just hurt you. So, why I felt so bad? The answer was so evident I never questioned more when it presented itself every time.

They were the only answer I needed…and they still are. Even if they hated me.

The director seemed to love the choice the nuns made, so it was obvious to me at least one of the two names.

"…Yuri Ivanov…"

Gotcha.

"…and Kai Hiwatari!"

'What! And who the fuck is that!' That's what I thought the first time I heard his name. Now, when I heard his name I think to just one of that words…I let you guess which one.

I gave him a quick glare and saw on him the same expression I was holding while I was waiting for Vorkov to speak. Maybe the nuns had thought that we were the simply the calmer one of the guys in there. They surely weren't supposed to imagine that all those children were so cheering just because they wanted to see a little bit of light before come back in the darkness so proper of the abbey, so proper of the death. But then again there were a lot of things that they weren't supposed to know…that no one was supposed to know.

The fear I felt before in my comrades' hearts turned anger. I expected that, so I didn't care when I moved towards Vorkov with movements that seemed the mirror shadow of Kai's ones. We both emerged from the silent mass of children and I ignored willingly my two friends when I passed by them. I felt the confusion in their heart, since they resented me to be the one selected, but also they loved me too much to hate me the way the other guys did. I asked myself whether even the young two toned hair currently walking near me felt the same thing or not. The answer came clear to my eyes as they rested on his face painted with blue marks.

Cold.

That guy didn't feel a thing. He seemed to just barely register my presence next to him. It was so strange stay around him…I absolutely didn't know what to do. His cold complexion strongly contrasted with the depth of his red pools and the youth spread all over his handsome face. He was clearly younger than me, but surely had enough charm to make me feel…weak.

Before I could even realise what was happening I was outside the abbey directed to that stupid cathedral to help for a more stupid recital played by more stupid children. Anyway, it felt like a nice trip, the only thing that remembered me where I really belonged to was the director's whisper in my ear before I left.

"_Kai doesn't need warnings, and I'm sure neither do you. I trust you, remember my child…and remember your friend here in the abbey, especially those two you are always with…Sergey and Boris…isn't it? I'm sure you want to see them happy and healthy, do you?"_

When I was there not a single word escaped my mouth, but as I was out there, far from Vorkov, his presence was there torturing and oppressing me as nothing else could do. Discomfort was probably written all over my face, since the strange kid finally turned his ruby eyes to me and grinned at my weakness. Pitied by a kid younger than me, God, I felt like dying.

God…I never cared about him, but in that moment I felt that I needed him with all my heart. I needed someone to watch my friends from above while I wasn't at the abbey, but more than everything I needed someone to give me the strength to keep this facade on. What was happening to me? The only thing that I knew was that now those people around there could actually see me as a human being.

Human.

Maybe it was me finally out of the abbey that did it, maybe it was not, it just happened. And I didn't like it a single little insignificant bit, since I had never been the emotional type. On the outside, I mean.

Anyway we reached the Cathedral and we were quickly taken into a room separate from the others in which we could get changed in something more 'comfortable'. We were left alone and no one of us talked to the other. We took the pair of dark trousers and the black T-shirt they left for us and changed, then waited for someone to explain us what we were supposed to do.

Our eyes never met, we just waited there in silence. I was feeling any time weaker and it just made me look sad and depressed. Kai on his way seemed near to loose his cold mask too, in place of a sad expression so similar to mine that I actually wonder what was happening to us both. The thing that affected us so much will gain its own name just some time later, but in that small and bare room we just could stay there and hope to not make the wrong step and ruin it all.

Now I would laugh at all that, but I was really scared back then. I was just a child that for the first time was allowed to be alone with another person outside his glass prison. A glass prison that even if it was invisible to the other people watching, it wasn't for this reason less real.

The nuns came back all cheering then all of sudden saddened, maybe because they were worried that our own sad expressions could have been due to us missing the abbey. Nothing more wrong, but then again, who could blame them? They didn't know, and even if we wanted to tell them we didn't know what to do or how to express it, not even to ourselves. We were just left alone. All by ourselves.

They took us to the other children, real children, not like the ones we grew up together in the abbey. Real kids that played and joked. And mocked.

They made the good kids as long the nuns were there and explained us the little we had to do, but as soon as they went away, they just kept watching us as we were some sort of circus animals and called us 'the orphan kiddy kids of the abbey'. Both of us just sighed and ignored them…we tried to, at least. Then again…who could blame them?

Who could blame them, even if they made both of us feel like we were nothing more than worms? In the abbey I was a sort of a leader, nobody would ever question the little power I'd gained spitting blood to be the best just like Vorkov always said. But those children judged me just because I was orphan. The only thing they knew about me.

Kai was more, lots of more than me. He was the grandson of the owner of the abbey, but he had suffered just like me to demonstrate to his grandfather that he was the best…but he was orphan too. His mother died and his father was always away for work. Those words hurt him too.

Of course I didn't knew all those things when I was there watching those kids with big horrified eyes, but anyway I sensed how their mocking made me and that strange and apparently cold child so close together. I just stared at them wanting to cry out not just what I was feeling in that moment, but even all those years I suffered in that damn abbey and, if knew how much, even all those ones I was going to endured in the future.

Luckily for me a hand shocked my shoulder and I heard a cold whisper in my ear. "Don't worry about them."

I turned quickly, but the mysterious Kai already was back on his feet again. He seated down opting for a mental image of what we were supposed to do not wanting to mix with who he thought to be less than shit. I tried to keep his same cold and proud expression and went to seat next to him.

"Thanks for the support."

I just managed to mutter those few words to him, but I wasn't even sure he heard me until I discovered what could seem like a smirk on those pink lips usually crystallised in nothing more than a serious line. So attractive, even when he was a child. I blushed furiously and hoped he didn't saw me with the corner of his eyes, or I would have died of embarrassment.

Some time later the nuns appeared back and looked at us disapprovingly, even if they didn't say a thing aside questioning about my health. The reddish tint on my cheeks hadn't disappeared yet, and they were worried I had caught a cold of something else. For this reason Kai was immediately showed in the room they had prepared for us in their convent just in case he was ill too, while I was taken to the infirmary just to reach Kai after they were sure I had nothing wrong.

Wrong. My entire life was wrong back then, and they surely couldn't find out what it was with a common check up for flue. Especially them, even if I remember just their black dress and blank faces.

They couldn't let one of the beloved children of their dear friend catch some kind of illness, after all he did to have them safe and protected inside the abbey. They surely couldn't know the real reasons that led Vorkov to keep us kids so carefully 'protected' inside the abbey, but then again, nobody could blame them…I'm actually asking myself why we always have to be the tamed ones, but nobody takes the blame.

It has always been this way…even when all this would stop, every single one of ours keepers was out of prison in a while. I'm still asking myself if I will ever see them pay for what they did…Then again the answer was too obvious. No. Clear and simple, because…who could blame them? We where just child, we were just nothing.

When I was escorted to our room Kai was already sleeping. I tried to not disturb him and focus to the position of my bed even though the darkness all around me. Luckily for me the large mirror placed right above Kai's bed reflected a clear moon ray that lightened a tiny bit of the room.

I was about to lie on my bed when my eyes locked with the pale sleeping face of my roommate. The light didn't reach him disturbing his sleep, but it passed right on him so I could see clearly his pale face bare from that cold blue paint he usually wear. That immaculate skin…it almost shined in the light darkness surrounding him, a cold light that warmed enough my heart to make me blush again. His peaceful face now showed his innocence and the sweetness of his true self. He was so cute…who could blame me?

I could have stared at him hours, but I resolved in taking a deep breath and lay on my bed…my mind anyway didn't seem to be of my same advice and kept itself active in thinking about the grey-blue haired child in the other bed. Grey and blue. I surely liked the blue more than the grey…but that kind of blue seemed so cold it hurt, while the grey felt so warm and protective even if I wasn't supposed to like it…So stupid thing to question about, I have to admit it, but I had never had the chance to see him clearly in the eyes the whole time, and the hair were the only thing I felt myself allowed to question about.

In the end I decided and went for a walking. It wasn't possible to do something like that in the abbey, but there was no chance to get a room for two too, so the problem would never exist. All of us shared an enormous room in which was placed a big number of beds. There were two big rooms like that, one in the north part of the abbey, the one I used to sleep in, and another one in the southern. The one in which Kai slept usually. Each groups had different training rooms and different kitchens, so we weren't supposed to meet ever, even if in the same place.

We were still the North leader and the South leader. We would never see another time once back to the abbey, and I was too shy to even think about say him hello while we where there.

We weren't supposed to meet. We would never been allowed to met again.

I was so depressed I walked randomly in the convent, until I reached the church. I understood nothing of everything that was in there, since nobody ever cared to teach me. Sure I knew the use of it, of a church I mean. I caught up the general meaning of the thing, but aside that nothing, just my feelings. I just searched for the painting I liked better and found out the one of a beautiful woman dressed in white and azure, who held in her hands a heart circled with a crown of thorns. I will never forget her porcelain face, so sweet and so caring yet so evanishing in the clear light that surrounded her destroying her lines.

I just stared there asking for her to soothe my pain and show me the way I had to follow, not knowing that I was actually praying…for the first time in my life.

She was so beautiful…like the mother I'd never had. I opened to her all my heart, just like I would do with my real mother and…I finally got asleep…with Kai's name on my lips.

Kai was my last thought that night, but also the first one I saw when I woke up the next morning. I herd his voice asking for me to open my eyes. I did, but I hadn't the time to focus his face staring at me because he was in no time holding me to his chest. I didn't move, just stared there enjoying that sweet feeling mixing up all my vital activity. My breath, heart beating, blood pressure…nothing functioned correctly.

"You like messing up with things, don't you?"

He let a little bit of space between us, and then he passed his hand in my hair affectively and motioned for me to stand up and follow him.

I didn't question why he was so worried, since in the abbey we were taught to not let our feelings to get in our way, but he gave me the answer I craved for anyway.

"You never slept in your bed tonight…I thought they were just like Vorkov and the others back at the abbey…I thought..."

Kai stopped, and I felt him cracking inside…I didn't know why he cared so much for new known child like me and, strange enough, I was sure he didn't know either. Anyway, I liked someone caring for me…yeah, I really liked it.

We were back to our room just in time for the nun to got us and draw us to the bathroom where they had prepared a bath tube full of hot water. They told us to wash up ourselves and dress with the white clots left for us, then disappeared again.

I felt my mouth gone dry as we both took hold of our shirt to start stripping and quickly turned my back to him, knowing that he was staring at me with his piercing scarlet eyes. My face turned redder than my hair and I took all my courage to take of my shirt.

Well I took all my courage to take of my shirt, so it was left anything to use to strip of my trousers, and the boxers were out of question.

I felt Kai smirking at me and strip totally but his boxers. I started trembling, not understanding why I was so affected by just a thing like that…

God bless the youth.

Kai made few steps towards me and then rested his hand on my shoulder. Then he kissed it. He turned me to face him, but my eyes were still not looking at him. I was so not going to watch him in his eyes. Kai ignored it and knelt down on my feet loosening the strips of my shoes.

"Wha…what are you doing!"

Ok, that was a stupid question, but I was six back then and Kai was trying to help me undressing myself…better, he was trying to undress me since I made no sight of cooperation. I just lied against the wall and watched his movements…his seductive movements.

I turned paying attention to what he was actually doing when I felt a tug on the waist band of my pants. He opened the button as it was the most natural thing to do to another child, undid the zip and push them down…gaining me to burst out in crying. He was scaring me, I didn't understand what it was happening and I didn't have the brain to do that.

His pale and small arms were there to hold me, circling fully my slim waist. It was when I discovered we were about the same height, but…I felt so small compared to him. I had not even enough courage to undress in front of another kid just like me, and not even enough pride to tell him to stop when he went so much further.

Then I felt my legs floating in the air and I discovered he was holding me bridal style. My arms clenched around his neck as he moved and entered the bath tube taking me inside with him. The water circled us as he let me down safely on the porcelain of the bath tube, the border of our boxers floating lightly in the water.

"Your boxers…will be damp…"

I felt guilty…he had had to damp his clots because of me not wanting to undress. Kai smiled at me…with all his heart. I could feel it even if my eyes were still trying to look away from him. Then he took the soap and bathed me, watching away when I had to wash…well, my things.

He was still turned to give me my alone time when I took the soap and tried to return the favour. He startled at the beginning, but then relaxed and let me do the same thing he had made for me. As he ended the washing he grabbed a towel and dried himself up. He put the new pair of boxers on and placed himself in a corner to finish dressing up turning his back to me and promising he would not watch.

Obviously the two toned haired boy never maintained his promise. Later on I discovered that our little Kai had never been naïve in his entire life. Well, actually never did I, but…well, when he was around me I felt like I was the most completely idiot of the entire world. Actually I keep feeling this way around him even nowadays.

We dressed up and from nowhere appeared the nuns, who dragged us to the room where we were supposed to wear our recital dress. I keep asking myself how those two had the gift to show up at the exact moment we stopped doing what they said and were able to start chatting a bit.

There another woman took our measures and put on us in different ways pieces of white material. I always liked the colour…yeah, I know it is obvious, thanks a lot. Anyway, I always like it, but Kai simply stared at it with big wide horrified eyes. He wasn't so careful about showing his liking or disliking back then…I worked a lot for have him back like that. My gosh, have you any idea about how is difficult deal with a boy that look at everything and everyone just to say 'Fuck off'!

Anyway back then he was not like that, he clearly demonstrated how he hated that colour…on himself, at least. Anyway no one cared about what he liked or disliked. It was just like in the abbey, it didn't matter if you like it or not, you have to do that. Surely was different talking about some clothes or about killing someone else, but the idea at the base of it was just the same. Yeah, to kill. Because we were supposed to fight for life. Who lost was dead, no matter if you wanted to save his life. He would just be dragged away and killed and you would be tortured. If you were the looser, then you would be the one dying. We were just supposed to kill the enemy, in a way or another. We had to obey.

I never understood why the people around us liked use us like we were some dolls you can dress up and move like you want. The nuns were doing the first thing right now, Vorkov did always the second.

After the taking measures section we were left 'training' in our small apparition with the other children…and like the day before Kai and I get a corner to ourselves and waited there for the end of our little freedom. It was going to be my worst 24 of December.

Lunch time came and went away. For once we had enough food for not starving again after eating, but none of us was hungry. I felt really bad not eating what they gave us, especially considering how many times we went to bed and cried because of the hunger. Then they did the most wrong thing they could do.

They gave me the usual remark about how lucky I was being here, how there were lots of children starving in the cold out there, how Vorkov loved me and how I should be grateful for it. I glared at them with all the hate I was capable of and I think I froze the blood in their vein just with that. Kai had already shocked them, now it was my turn to show them that I wasn't the little kid they saw inside my heart. They had to stop think that just because I was affected having for the first time some time alone with…with a friend.

Kai was melting me, but I was still a little glass toy soldier and no, I had no fucking idea to say again 'who could blame them', because **_I _**was blaming them, and they just looked at me shocked not understanding. I felt Kai's smirk behind him and my cold glare melted as I turned towards him. He was with me too, I wasn't alone for once.

The smirk become a wide smile and I felt my own lips tug in sort of beam. We went back to the usual room not saying a word and waited again. Evening came and one of the nuns finally gained enough courage to talk again with us.

"Your dresses are ready…c'mon my little children, Christmas Eve recital is just going to start."

She offered us a hand, but we ignored it. Actually Kai stood up first and positioned himself between me and the nun and glared at her. Then he made sure I was behind him and started following the nun. She led us to a small room where there was just a chair and two white costumes and took one of them coming dangerously towards me.

In no time I was dressed like a little angel. The long white dress wasn't embroidered but a little cross on the upper part and a small line of lace around the borders. The sleeves were longer than my arms, so my hands disappeared behind the long thin floating fabric. On my back she put two little paper wings and even managed to fix on my head a small golden aura. My sky eyes stared at the nothing in front of me as the realisation I was really dressed like that kept imposing itself on my mind.

And even in Kai's ones. My fellow was staring shocked at the nun all the time she was dressing me. As the lady turned towards him I could actually noticed as he changed the object of his staring and, as he looked at the nun, how the shock turned pure terror in his face.

A scream echoed in the room.

"I PREFER BEING EXCOMMUNICATED THAN WEAR SUCH A THING!"

My still shocked face turned to Kai as in few minutes he was turned in an almost more beautiful angel than me.

Of course he didn't deserve that stupid dress to be like that in my eyes. His beautiful red eyes full of sorrow and lightly shy every time I tried to search for them…the way his cheeks coloured of a vivid shade of pink as our hands met as we tried for our first time the steps of the small recital we had to do…carefully avoiding to lock our glares together even if we were supposed to do so. Anyway we were just making a general prove.

Anyway when the real recital would start we weren't supposed to avoid each other's eyes. I felt mixed up and tensed…I smiled…like a little girl at her first date with her beloved one. I was terrified, but also happy…I never felt this way about someone. I definitely never felt this way. When I think back to that evening I still feel my cheeks turn red and hot as something tense in my stomach and affect every other part of my body weakening it. In moments like them I'm really glad to whoever invented photos…and especially to my friend Boris who did the one currently framed and placed on my bedside table.

The real recital had to start. Music echoed in the big church in which I fell asleep the previous night. Every one of the other children before enter the stage glanced quickly to the mother he had barely recognized in the crowd looking at the show. Kai had no one to send glance to, so he just kept his beautiful eyes down as waiting for his death.

Kai had no one, but I had. I had one mother for us both. I quickly recognised the reflex of the painted beautiful woman onto the mirror surface of a white column…she really looked like a mother that came to see the small Christmas recital of her sons. I send her a quick glance and took Kai's hand dragging him on the stage with me.

Later on Kai told me I looked really like a small innocent angel as I went through the line that divided the darkness of the backstage and the light of the stage. And thinking back to that day…yeah, I really felt like and angel, as I saw myself smiling at him reflected in his red orbs that avoided me in a sort of shyness…uneasiness… or whatever you call it.

We started our play. The steps were simple and the music helped a lot even if we had never really tried it. So soft, so calm and yet so rhythmic…I felt myself like disappearing in it. For the first time I felt the innocent young boy I was supposed to be. My mother was watching me and someone closer to me than even a brother was on the stage with me. Our eyes never really met, but I felt his hands in mine and some time after that on my hips and on my shoulders as the music went on and the steps changed.

Then it came the main part. The lyrics spoke about offering our own life like Our Lady Mary did at the base of the cross on which her son had died. We were singing it…and finally our eyes locked together. They were supposed to do that and then separate, but they never did the second one. Because our eyes stayed locked that way all the remaining part of the recital…like would be our souls for our entire life. Locked together in a mix of sorrow and happiness, pain and joy…freezing water and burning fire. A life of opposites and oppositions, like Heaven and Hell.

The day after the nuns brought us back to the abbey and we did as if nothing had happened between us. Kai asked his grandfather to be transferred since 'he couldn't stand the incapacity of his group mates'. This way we kept in touch and my new friend 'befriended' with my old friends. They never got to be close anyway, since they still resented him for being the grandson of the abbey owner. Even with me they kept playing the cold part since I stole their opportunity to get finally out the abbey. It went on that way until the day Kai let us and they found me in a bloody pool.

Just then they realised who I was.

Just then I actually realised who I was.

I felt loneliness surrounding me. Hated and feared by everyone for my power and…a single chance to get out that was given me. I never asked for it, but thinking about what happened next I surely would never regret it.

Even if the loneliness was every single minute more painful from now on.

Even if it is still hurting. Each minute more.

Oh, Kai where are you now?

Something distracts me from my trail of thoughts. A barely audible noise beyond the bed I'm laying on and a mixed scent of a familiar soap I couldn't actually place.

My eyes snap open…and they stop there.

"You like messing up with things, don't you?"

"KAI!"

My cerulean orbs are now locked with my boyfriend's crimson ones. I literally jump on him and put my arms around his neck crying softly.

"I thought you were never going to come back again…Kai…"

His strong arms circle my lithe waist as wanting to protect me from my own fears. Oh God, how I missed that!

I can feel how Kai tightens his hold on me and start to add small butterfly kisses all along my sensible neck. These kisses have nothing to do with the chaste ones we shared back when we were children. The hidden meaning is always the same 'I'm here for you', but now we are lovers. Boyfriends. We are no more the innocent children too inexperienced to even understand their feelings for each other.

"I'm back now, Yuri…don't ever doubt I will come to you. I love you too much…"

I bury my face in his large chest…so comfortable…so hot…so like him.

"So there's gonna be another World Tournament? Usually this is the only reason that brings you back here in Russia…This was what happened the last three times you came here…"

He seems have noticed the sad note in my voice, because he is slowly trying to make me face him with affectionate little trusts of his nose.

In the end we are looking at each other, our front head pressed one against the other.

"I'm sorry…President Dai Tenji keeps asking me to go back in Japan…Anyway this time I came just for you…"

I'm surely not going to believe that, and he knows him. That old man would never let Kai free if not in the proximity of a tournament in which the slate haired was supposed to play in another team.

Crimson eyes could no longer stare my sky coloured ones without show me their defeat.

"Ok, there is gonna be another tournament…" He smiles to me. One of his most beautiful smiles. "…but it is in July…"

I can feel Kai's body trying to close even more the little space between us, and I can tell every single line of it. His gorgeous body. The fact that I was on my knees on the bed made me the same height as he was. Just like we were children, but this time his groin pressed hard against mine in pure need.

"Mr. D.T. was hard pressed to see my necessity to…go back in Russia so early…but I managed to convince him…An entire year without you…had been really hard…for me to take…"

His breath is already coming out in short gasps as he search for my lips. They meet just for a fraction then separate. I clearly feel Kai's hot breath on my lips, so I wet them making them shining red in the dim light of the room.

I can barely control myself as we move at the same time and our tongues meet starting dancing together. In no time I can feel his own in my mouth, exploring and savouring every bit of me. Kissing like that after so long time, I can't help thinking that Kai's desperate kiss was similar to the trip a boy would do after he came back to the place he belonged to or one somewhere related to his past. Searching for every familiar spot, every place he thought he would have never seen back again.

Oh, Kai, what I am for you? Your past or the place you belong to?

"…Kai…"

Great, I'm already moaning. I'm a real whore.

I feel Kai's hands wondering on my downside and pushing me onto the bed, and in no time I'm here. My back on the soft white sheets, Kai's chest pressed against mine and my legs wide open welcoming my lover.

My slate hared boyfriend's hands start unzipping my pants...MY GOSH! Fucking shit, what am I supposed to do now!

"Wait Kai, we can't!"

"What! Why the hell not!"

I guess my face colour just matches my hair. Ok, calm…take a deep breath…

"Do you remember when we were children? When we went to the convent for the recital?"

Flaming red eyes keep staring at me… Kai, shit, why you always keep doing that! You know I hate people staring at me that way!

"So?"

"So…the promise…that night…"

Keeping my eyes on Kai's puzzled ones I finally make my decision…Fuck yourself Hiwatari!

Hey, I just hate the way he make always so embarrassed!

So, I free myself from Kai and start the way to the door…That in no time is denied to me as Kai have just wake up from the shock and realised the 'hidden' meaning of 'you aren't going to get sex for the next two hours'. What's the hidden meaning? Just that he isn't going to get sex for the next two hours. That's hard, understand poor Kai.

"Hey, you have explained nothing!"

"C'mon Kai dear, I've just remembered I've gotta go to a certain place…please, after that I'll be all yours!"

Ok, now I'm really begging him, but hey, he is my boyfriend and I'm allowed to easy up a little…aside that…I really feel like a worm for stopping this way our little activity.

"Yuri…couldn't you remembered it before? You know I would do everything for you, but…look at me and then at yourself. People outside will accuse us of indecent exposure and I don't know about you, but…IT HURTS!"

Ehm…now that he makes me notice it…

I have actually no time to moping over it anyway, 'cause Kai is already trying to cornering me and harassing me. His lips and tongue are again on my neck…

"Kai!"

"Tell me you don't want it."

His beautiful red eyes are fixed on mine waiting for an answer that he knows would never came. My face fallen and luckily for me Kai noticed it.

"Ok, Yuri, tell me what you think to do about it. Cold shower?"

Sure, a cold shower…if we make it together we'll go for it, if we do it separately…we will never be able to get it work because we'll be again aroused seeing the other out of the shower almost naked.

"Actually…"

I can feel Kai tense under my touch as my fingertips delicately caress him wondering lower followed by entire body. I wonder if my little Kai discovered my little idea already.

Now I'm face to face with his groin, knelt in front of him…an entire year had to pass since the last time we found ourselves this way…How much I missed you my sweet love…

My fingers delicately unzip his pants and search for the clue, then I take him in my mouth, my hands helping holding and stroking it.

"Yu…ri…"

Kai is moaning…thanks to my administration. I'm…so happy he still like to be with me after all this time. I discover my own fingers playing with the soft dark grey fur of his manhood and smile during the complex process. I try to keep my mind at it as I felt Kai's fingers bury themselves in my hair and urging me to continue.

Kai's still moaning…every time more…every little seconds more. I…I…

I hear a muffled moan echoing in my mouth that caused Kai's trembling and shuddering. Pre-cum come out, so I start liking it off…

Kai seem to be…really REALLY exited now, but…his moans…he's voice…calling my name…

I hear another moan, but this time…I can recognize my own voice. Fuck, this entire thing is turning me on! Gosh how I want him in me…stroking me…

Gosh, one of my hands is missed…my, don't tell me he went there…Better think back to Kai, now he's close.

"Stop idiot!"

"What? Why you're calling me an idiot?"

"'cause you are! You like messing up with things, don't you?"

"You repetitive."

"But that's true."

I stare at his beautiful red shining eyes watching my reflection…I'm totally flushed stroking my own erection through the thin fabric of my pants…I'm so ashamed of myself…is that my reflection in his eyes? A little perverted thing? How came that I'm much taller and older that he is?

"I'm sorry for being a bitch…"

Kai's kissing me…wait, Kai is kissing me! Oh gods…

He play with my tongue then stop and stare at me…so caring…so lovingly…so like himself…

"Don't you dare another time to say that I love a bitch…Now lie down, jerk you off is my job…"

I do as he told me, my back meeting with the cold floor. Kai is in no time over me…rubbing me with needful hands. Oh gosh, I'm dying…

I moan…again… but I have to find the way to repay the favour. I carefully take Kai back in my mouth and keep working on him.

I can barely feel the reality around me anymore. Kai's tongue, his fingers…his breathing…

I just feel him…him and no one else…Reality is such a miserable thing when he is with me…me…just me…and him…

I suck harder on Kai as I feel him… anytime closer to his release. My, that's driving me insane…! Guess… I'm close… to… mine too… oh, Kai…

"…KAI!"

"YURI!"

Hot liquid fill my mouth and run out trough my red cheeks…I swallow that. I drink everything my Kai had to give me…Same thing is happening on my on my lower belly, were Kai was drinking and licking…too.

Kai go off me and I just…happen to feel his lips on mine. Slightly savouring ourselves in the brief moment.

"Guess I need a shower…"

Kai smiled at me…my how is sexy and seductive this way…

"I'll wait for you here, just take care to go out already dressed and all."

I smile at him and enjoy his tongue licking my cheeks clean…my, finally everything was so perfect…finally…

I leave him there in good company with all my heart. My, I'm not even in the shower and I still miss him!

The water run hot and soft on my skin washing away all my fears and worry about Kai not loving me. It run over my face, my chest, the whip scars marring my back, the knife scars still there on my wrists, down over my scratched legs and the rope marks that I usually try to cover up with sort of ankle laces.

I go out the steamy box still wet and stare at my image in the mirror. The silver cross on my neck glimmering in the white light of the bathroom. I take a hold of it. Yeah, I have to go. After that I can really enjoy Kai's presence.

I dry myself and dress up in no time just to show to my waiting Kai my beautiful smile.

"Kai, I'm ready! Shall we go?"

Kai is seated on my bed and look up to me smirking.

"It was just fucking time."

"Sorry, but fucking time has to undergo a delay."

Kai close his eyes and laugh softly as he got up and follow me.

I wait for him, so we can exit there holding hands. Wow, I just love stupid people staring at us! Well, actually not, but with Kai everything is perfectly fine with me. And luckily for me Kai seems to think it the same way I do. I look down at him and see him happy, happy just because I'm with him. At least I like to believe it.

"Love, would you mind to wait for me just a minute?"

I see Kai staring at the flower shop in front of which I stopped us, then his puzzled crimson orbs are looking at me questioningly.

"Why you wanna go in there, sweetheart?"

I smile at him and then go in leaving his question unanswered. He follows me inside and keeps watching me. I can feel his eyes fixed on my back…and then eyeing my butt. My Gosh, I thought I was a little perverted, but Kai is really lots, lots more than me.

Like he heard my thoughts I feel him changing the object of his staring and coming near me.

"You buy lilies? That's pretty funny!"

Funny? Gods, Kai's gone crazy. Hey? I wanna my all sense boyfriend!

I stare puzzled at him waiting for the flower girl to pack the lilies in a pretty way, and he simply smiles at me.

"'Yuri' means 'lily' in Japanese. You should try and study harder, my love."

I consider the idea of killing him, but he is looking at me in a so sweet way…that I fell into pieces and my puzzled expression melts in a sort of a smile. I know that I'm supposed to be strong and perfect, but I actually can't help to feel extremely weak when my fire eyed boyfriend is around me.

The most interesting thing is that Kai hates when I make a show of my emotional side, but strange enough he's saying nothing about that, now. Who knows, maybe he forgot we are in public or…he just missed me too much. I really hope it's the second one…

"What are you grinning at? I'm sure you are thinking about something perverted!"

Ops, I didn't realised I was grinning. I notice the flower girl watching questioningly at me while handing me the flowers. I smile her back in a sort of 'I'm sorry', and hand her the money.

We go out and keep walking until we reach my destination. Kai looks at the building then back at me.

"Why?"

"I need to see someone. I come here every Christmas Eve, but obvious you can't know that since that's your first with me…"

"That's not true! I…"

I actually don't know if laugh at Kai or simply sigh and go inside, as he stare at the nothing in front of him thinking maybe for a Christmas Eve we passed together and finding none. Guess I'll leave him there anyway.

I do so and enter the convent church, the one in which I fell asleep when we were children and where we made the childish recital. Kai seems to recover and follows me.

I walk past few nuns looking at us and asking themselves where they had already seen us, and other people that cared nothing about us. I stopped in front of the picture of Our Lady. I lay there the flowers and kneel down in front of her...and thank her. For protecting my Kai while he was far away from me this entire year…and for giving me him back now as the most beautiful Christmas present I would ever think about.

I feel Kai's hand over my shoulder and I reach it with mine entangling our fingers together. She smiles at us…at lest to me it looks like she did. Our Mother's happy for us and likes to see the way we love each other…my mother does. I'm sure she does, I can feel it no matter what the other people can say. No matter the hateful whispers whispered by the other people in the church or the alarmed glances the nuns give us. We weren't here for them, but for her. Just to say thanks…

I go back on my feet and leave Kai lead me outside, his arm sliding 'unnoticed' around my waist. Once on the outside we both take a big breath of air and sigh it out watching with discomfort to each other.

"Hateful stares are always hard to endure, isn't it love?"

"You searched for that."

I give Kai my sat eyes. This was actually hurting me…then he smiles me.

"But she was happy, I could tell that. I'm glade you brought me here to see her once again. I'm sure is a miracle the fact that I can actually have an entire Christmas with you."

My Kai…my beautiful Kai.

"Yeah, I'm sure it is."

I cup his face and bent down to kiss him lightly on his lips.

"I love you."

I can see Kai smiling back at me and try stretching up for another kiss.

"Love you too…my beautiful Yuri…"

Well, now actually too much people are staring at us, better get going. Kai anyway seems to have got my same idea and takes my hand to lead me…somewhere.

"Hey, honey, where are we going?"

"My place, got a present for ya."

A. Present. For. Me.

"Hey, Kai, wait! You hurting me!"

We run across the streets and in no time we stop in front of a big mansion. I can say nothing more than…

"How beautiful!"

The huge garden in front of it was all covered of snow, and what were once vivid green gorgeous trees now barely showed something of their previous colour under the white sheet that covered them. A big colourless gate separates what looked like the perfect 'Marry Christmas' post card from us.

Kai goes near the gate and presses the button of the entry phone asking the person in there to open it for us.

The inside is just as beautiful and everything is huger that the small apartment in which I was currently staying in. Kai takes a hold of my hand and literally takes me up to the enormous steps dressed in red in the middle of the immense hall. He stops in front of a closed door, but makes no sign of moving.

"So?"

Kai looks at me with his serene crimson eyes…and I forget everything. Ok, we can wait here in front of this closed door all the time you want…just stay there so I can stare at you.

"Close your eyes, surprise is waiting for you in here."

Eh? What? Ah, all the time you want is already passed?

I recompose myself and do as Kai asked me to do, then I feel his other hand taking my free one leading me inside the room. My, all is so absolutely funny!

In the seconds I got distracted I had lost the feeling of Kai's hands on mine. Hey Kai, I fear being let all by myself!

"…Kai…"

I'm ashamed of myself. My voice had been nothing more then a moan full of fear, maybe Kai now think I'm a sort of lost puppy.

"Open your eyes."

By the way he pronounced that I can easily tell he had enjoyed a lot my alone agony…gods I'll kill him!

I open my eyes and meet Kai's red smiling ones, my sight go lower noticing something in Kai's arms.

"Marry Christmas, Yuri-love."

"Kai! That's really cute!"

A little _meow_ answers me as I take the little ball of fur in my arms. Icy azure eyes look up at me and I pet him, my hand so pale even against his candid short fur. He leave his white but darkening in a deep shade of red on the edge tail swinging free showing his happiness. The same coloured paws press against my chest as he tries to stretch up and lick my face.

"So? Do you like your Christmas present?"

"'Course I do! He's beautiful, but I can't take him at my place…"

"That's here that comes the second part of your Christmas present."

I look astonished at his grinning face and he slowly comes closer as one of his hands bury itself in my hair and he locks his sweet flaming eyes with my azure ones. His every movement so sensual and loving that I can't help to just stare at him…yes, Kai definitely know how to get my attention.

"And that would be?"

"Stay here with me. I'm gonna to move back here in Russia, so Mr. D.T. can't separate you and me…never again…This entire house and me are my last Christmas present for you."

I can see something no more because of the tears that are flowing free from my eyes. I hold tighter the little kitten with one arm and with the other I reach Kai's hand that had lowered to stroke my cheek and wet in my tears.

"Is that a yes?"

Kai's voice sounds broken and I can easily tell that he is crying too. I reach down for his sweet lips that now taste salty, our tears mixing on there together.

"What do you think lover?"

I'm going to search again his sweet mouth, but Kai interrupts me and takes the kitty from me, placing a chaste kiss on my wet cheek.

"He needs something to eat, don't go anywhere honey."

"Is that a sweeter way to say 'I don't want him to assist at me jumping at you'?"

Kai grins mischievously and exit the door. I lay down on the soft bed in there. The red of the sheets matches my hairs that are now spread all over them. The enormous bedroom had been painted in a softer shade of the same colour, whilst the curtains have a deeper one similar to a blood one. The wooden furnishings assumed themselves a sort of reddish tint in all that red.

In all that crimson my white outfit looks just like a disturbing element.

I hear the sound of a door opening…Kai follows soon after. My gosh, he looks really gorgeous. He's all dressed on black. Thin trousers and…a shirt that had just a single button on the middle done. Pale flesh contrasts with all that...

Gods. He. Is. Hot.

"So, looks like my little angel is fallen in my little hell. You look gorgeous you know?"

"Me? You ever looked at you?"

His lips are in no time clashing against mines. Fuck, I wasn't able to follow his movements, has Kai really turned in a sort of Devil? I can still remember his idea of changing in that instead of dressing like a little angel for the nuns' recital…my, that was scary!

"You know, I've always hoped that the nuns' recital had ended in a different way…"

Kai's hands hold my wrist…one of then softly baring my arm…his tongue teasing each of the scars on it…

I can't control my breath anymore, I can't control myself…anymore.

"Kai…please…"

"Please what lover?"

My sweet Kai, you actually don't know how much I hate you when you play this game, do you?

I try and lay my back against the reddish wall, then make sure Kai follows my movements as I spread sensually wide my legs straddling him. Kai stares at me and I take the chance to place between his legs one of my legs so my feet brush erotically against his growing groin.

"Fuck!"

Gotcha. Now's Kai's time to moan out his frustration.

Our eyes lock together another time sharing our deep dirty secret…our lust, and our love.

Kai overcomes me and works with my belt. He succeeds in undoing my trousers and throws them away, they rest near my feet playing with them and the two silvery ankle laces there, the lots of small silvery pendant echoing like a jingle between our short breaths.

"Can't believe…you still wear these."

In answer I move a foot in front of his nose and make the pendants sing again. Kai just smiles and kisses it, then grabs my leg firmly and starts kissing and caressing it…wondering any time higher. He suddenly straightens up and reaches my face, cupping it and … kissing me widely.

I feel his hands wandering lower and rubbing there, between my legs. I move my knees and I give him someway a taste of his own medicine. Slowly us both starts responding at our ministrations…my hips longing forward for more and Kai starting brushing on my knee by himself.

Our kiss uninterrupted until we had to search out for air.

Kai makes some space between us and free himself from his pair of trousers that had become really too tight for him to take. In no time he is back in my arms kissing me again and in a second our positions are reversed as I pin him against the wall and then help him to lie on the bed. I take my time savouring his sweet cavern as I manage in the meanwhile to take off his black shirt too.

Then I hear him moaning in my mouth in pain. I quickly let him go.

"Kai?"

Kai's face is totally flushed, his swollen lips open trying to fill back his lungs with air.

"You…the devil, my angel…"

My, I killed Kai with a kiss! No! My boyfriend!

I follow Kai's crimson eyes and finally see what his problems are. First: our groins are pressed together and this is sending him over the edge. Second: he had miserably failed the tentative of unzipping my jumper.

So, I make space between us and get a rid by myself of my upper clots. As they touch the ground I feel Kai holding me from behind and burying his face between my shoulders.

"Yuri…"

I know that he can't say please, but his voice tells me about everything about his feelings.

"Ok, but go soft…it has been a long time…"

The trill of his giggling echoes in my skin and make me tickle.

Now, what's so funny?

"Can't believe you have never played with the vibrator Boris and Sergey gave you as Birthday present when you turned eighteen…I can imagine you all sweaty teasing there…"

Kai's hand wanders inside my boxers and reaches inside me. I gasp…You want talk-sex Hiwatari? I'll make you pay this one, birdy heart…

I insert a hand in his boxers and take the clue.

"Well, you know, the vibrator isn't as long and big as this thingy thing…By the way, I didn't know you had so many interests in hand-jobs, you should use your ability for charity…"

I can take a guess of Kai's thoughts 'you talk about hand-jobs! Mind to tell me what the fuck are you doing right now!'

Kai takes a deep breath trying to control himself even if I can feel his hot liquid wet my hand, then he shows me on the bed and throws away my boxers.

His tongue and hands immediately replace the boxers, but I can do nothing in my prone position. Soon I feel his tongue helping his fingers inside me, and then nothing more really matters to me. The way he cares about me…the way he loves me…All of him tells me that his entire life is just for me, the same way mine is just for him…even if…

"Kai!"

His strong hands are now on my shoulders, where he leaves a small reassuring kiss.

"Don't worry, I know what you like…I will never take you from the back…"

I rest my head against his and give him a small peck on the lips. He is really so sweet…fearing for me this way…He still remembers everything about me…

No matter how much time had passed, it looks like that…that something will keep us together…until death do us part.

Kai holds more firmly my waist and carefully turn me and lay me on my back. He kisses me sweetly and passionately, as the real phoenix he is. Graceful and powerful as no one will ever be.

He settles himself between my legs and then trust in. Pain hits me all of sudden. Yeah, definitely. I'm not used to this anymore. Air stops in my lungs, tears forming in my shuttered eyes.

I can feel Kai. Licking, kissing and whispering in my ear.

"C'mon lover, hold on. You are the older one of us, you remember? C'mon, you know I love you…I love you…just relax…"

I nod to his telling him an unspoken 'go on'. And he does. Trust in. Then out. Faster. Harder…My, I'm going insane…

We are both out of breath. Covered of sweat. Close to our climax.

"YURI!"

I feel hot warm up from the inside making me even closer to it…closer…

"KAI!"

We lay totally spent tangled up together. Forever…forever this way, these sentiments, the feeling of total belonging to one another that is currently affecting us…forever this.

"Kai…I've got any presents for you…I can't repay all this…"

I feel Kai snuggling on my chest and tighten his hold on me…he is really cute after sex…he really looks like the sweet child with big shining red eyes I fell in love with back at the nuns recital. Too bad that usually his big eyes just shine in pure lust and desire…well of course mine are the same. I'm even more luscious than him actually.

"Sex with you the way we just did…that was all I wanted as Christmas present. I love you…"

I smile at him then search for the extremes of my necklace and undo it. Kai rise up his head and watch at me puzzled, so I can take my chance and put it around his neck. Now the silvery cross seems shining even more on him…

"Yuri, what…"

"I've just this to give you, hope you like it."

Kai stares at me, then looks the cross, and then back at me.

"Yuri, I know too well how much this means to you. I can't accept! You spitted blood to have enough money to buy it…"

"…right after our little tour out of the abbey, yeah I know. I wanted something that reminded me of the beautiful mother I saw in the convent…but, you know, now that you are going to be here, forever with me, I need it anymore…because all my prayers **_were_**…all my prayers **_are _**just for you…"

I cup his face with my hands and kiss him on the lips, a chaste and sweet one. We stay this way until sleep overcomes us…

Sweet sleep, white as the snow that covers everything outside and reddish as the tint over our cheeks. Even there please, mother, watch him out for me.

OWARI!

Kai: I told you that you would fail.

Kam: Shut it!

MF: I liked it!

Kam: I asked you what you thought about each scene and you always told me you had tried to forget it because it was too silly!

MF(wide smiles)

Kammyh: Grrr…

Yuri&Kai: Well, Kammyh's theme one-shot fiction ended here. **_Read&Review_**. Moreover: she wishes you Merry Christmas(merii kurisumas!) and a Happy New Year(yoiotoshio!).


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